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Tuesday, March 17, 2020

     Surgery is postponed  indefinitely due to the coronavirus. I'm bummed out, but better safe than sorry. Going today for a new Foley catheter, had to take the last one out on Friday,  it was clogged. No traffic anywhere, it's really weird. empty parking lots at restaurants,

Thursday, March 12, 2020

Assisted Suicide and Multiple Sclerosis

     We had the talk, the one you dread having, but one people like me need to have. It starts with a quote, remember when you said you would support whatever decision I made on the final disposition of this illness...q the tears. The wife supports me, just doesn't want to go yet. I have said from the very beginning I'd only let this progress so far before I put an end to things.  Not on the doorstep of that place, but I am pulling up to the curb. Everything is an effort, and with that effort comes a good amount of pain. When the time comes I choose to exit on my own terms.

Tuesday, March 10, 2020

Foley Catheter is a Pain in the Neck, Actually the Pain is a Little Lower.

     I have a small cut on the back of  my pate from my tumble, a little sore,  but I will survive. Did I mention how much I dislike the foley catheter? I've had one since about Halloween, it's made a huge difference, it's just so damn uncomfortable. I'm actually looking forward  to the suprapubic catheter surgery,  how sad is that?

     Riddle me this? Paraplegia, paralysis of the legs and lower body, typically caused by spinal injury or disease.

Quadriplegia, paralysis of all four limbs. 

What do call it when you can't use your right arm and leg? I  call it screwed! 

Monday, March 9, 2020

Major Depression, Don't Want to Play Anymore

     Major depression day, I've got the blues,  big time. I have days that I can't believe my life is where it is, just can't shake it. All sorts of things run through my mind. How much longer can I keep this up? What happens when I can no longer transfer? It's coming,  don't know what I can do to stem the tide? Don't  know how much longer I want to  fight it? When is it time to embrace the beast, just let it go? It's a good thing I don't have a machine that could be  unplugged, not today.

Leg Shaking Made Me Fall on the Floor While Transferring Into Bed

     Took a little tumble transferring into bed tonight,  I got that leg quivering thing going on and that was all she wrote. Had the crew from the fire station here, again, to lift me up off the floor, my hat is off to them. Time to get a transfer board, can't keep depending on the lads to lift me up. It takes a chunk out of my soul everytime this happens, no reason to think it's going to get easier. Now to figure out a new toy, always something to do.

Saturday, February 29, 2020

Moving on From Facebook, suprapubic Catheter Time

     I'm thinking about dropping Facebook? I've enjoyed it, but its run its course for me, it doesn't make me feel good anymore. I'm happy that my friends have succeeded in their lives, its getting hard to to be outwardly joyful about their trips, or vacation homes. I will never do those things. I'll never buy a new truck, or fix up an old one. I'll never lay on the beach in some exotic country. I'll never travel much further than to one of my many doctors appointments. Facebook has become a daily reminder of the things that could have been,  but will never be, therefore I choose to look the other way.

     Speaking of doctors appointments,  I have surgery on March 19th, having a suprapubic catheter inserted. I had been doing the self catheters for a while,  but getting harder to do one handed. The foley gets the job done, but it's not without side effects. I was scheduled a few weeks ago,  had to cancel because of blood sugar,  yay me. The sugar is under control now, so f

Monday, December 30, 2019

Abscess Time

     Recovering from an abscess,  not a pleasant experience anywhere,  this one took unpleasant to new heights! The abscess was at the base of my testicles. Yes, the base of my testicles. I'll wait for the guys to finish squirming and the women  chortling, he said testicles. ok, the doctor thinks it was an irritation from the catheter tub, the constant rubbing. In 24 hours it went from the size of a grape to the size of a lemon. The doctor velcro'd my ankles into stirrups, the nurse held "things" out of the way, and the cutting began. The incision was large enough that the doctor stuck his finger in the hole to clean it out,  he and the nurse will definitely be getting Christmas cards next year, that's how close we are now. Now we have weeks of packing the wound, trips to the doctor's office,  good thing is I don't need to stay in bed.

Friday, August 30, 2019

Everything Is a Chore

     Things have been hard, haven’t been here in a few. I vaguely remember when things were easier, like taking a shower, jump in, jump out. Now they have to be planned. It won’t be long until I sit on a stool outside and they squirt me down like a circus elephant. About 2 weeks ago I started with a buzzing in my left hand, the good one. I remember what that meant for the right one, not happy about it. We will figure it out, no choice, the beast has taken so much, I was hoping it would leave me some scraps. I guess not.

Wednesday, August 7, 2019

Strength to Go Out

     I’ve got a dentist appointment today, fun day out amongst the humans. It will take every ounce of energy I have for this. I need to do some research, what happens next? What happens when I can no longer gather enough strength to get to the dentist? I go to the doctors too. I see people there with caregivers, usually a woman, where do they come from? I really don’t want that. It’s really no fun living your life in the what if lane, it’s even worse in the when lane. It’s raining now, that will make it easier! See, when you are having a bad day there is always a chance it will get worse!

Saturday, August 3, 2019

Forcing Myself to do More

   I’m going to cook a sirloin tip roast today, all by myself! That’s right, you heard me, by myself. I edged the sidewalks yesterday, almost killed me, but I did it. The boy did the hard pard, he got the edger, the blower, and the extension cord. Ok, that’s not by myself, but I did the edging. The roast is going to be all me. Going to force myself to do some things, if not I’m going to lose the battle. The hope is the more I do, the more I will be able to do. The eyes are a little fuzzy today, combination of the heat and the exertion. Hopefully the roast will look something like this?

Wednesday, July 31, 2019

County Thinking For Me

     I got turned down by the county again for a curb cut at the rear of Perry Hall middle school, they said it was in my best interest. Honest, they really said that. If I was able to walk, I would be able to walk in the street. I could jog, bike, trike, pogo, do cartwheels. Kids can ride their bikes in the street, skateboard, roller skate. I guess the county has decided that when I became a full time wheelchair rider I must have become feeble minded also? They also said there wasn’t money in the budget, but I’m stuck on the fact the county thinks I am unable to make safe decisions.

     In an email from the school board, “Without a safe pathway through our property and in the interest of the safety of the community member, we are unable to support this request.“ Safe pathway? From the rear of the school to the front? How can that be? I think I need to go into full beast mode with the school and my county council person? Show them how much cheaper a curb cut would be as compared with a lawsuit to make a safe pathway from the rear of the school. 

Wednesday, July 17, 2019

No Steak For Me

     We were all set to go out tomorrow for a monster steak dinner at Michaels steak and lobster house, then the wife went on a recon mission. They aren’t wheelchair accessible, but they do have ramps that they use to overcome the couple of steps. The real problem is the bathroom, not only are the doors too narrow to enter the bathroom, the stalls are way too small also. Oh well, I will survive, I don’t expect the world to change for me, plenty of other places to eat. But a 40 ounce steak for $25.95, come on!

Wednesday, July 10, 2019

Crab Picking Woes

        Life is full of cruel irony at times. I love steamed crabs, we recently got a crab guy, great crabs, great price, steamed to perfection. The mustard is good, leg meat pulls out every time. The irony comes in the fact I have a dead right hand and a left hand with increasingly less dexterity. I have these beautiful crustaceans in front of me and lack the ability to pick them. My family picks them for me, but where is the fun in that? I start out trying, but it’s like watching a squirrel trying to drive a car. I’ve given up a lot of things, I will not give up crabs!