How Did I Get Here?

     Been away for a while, was thinking I'd give it a go again. I had one of those days that convinces me there is a hell. In the fall I finally got my suprapubic catheter put in, today was my day to get a new one put in. I have to do that every month, it usually goes smoothly, not so much today. The young woman was fairly new and although I am sure she knows what she's doing, she failed to hit the mark today. She made repeated attempts to get it in but had to call in a more experienced person to get it done. In the end the  task was accomplished and I went on my merry way, but not before going 12 rounds George Foreman.

    So now it's time to go home. We make our way to our trusty '87 Chevy van, the one that was given to us and has worked perfectly... Until now. The van still runs great, the problem is I have to transfer from the wheelchair to the seat, something that's getting harder to do and some days impossible. Today was one of those impossible days. We got home and when it became time to get out of the seat and back into the chair I was so weak from the ordeal of the catheter change that I could not make the transfer. I had to swallow my pride yet again and call the fire department to come aid with the transfer, something that is happening far too many times recently for my liking.

    How did I get here, going once a month to have a new catheter inserted, having to rely on the fire department to get out of the vehicle or off of the floor? I understand the concept of end stage, but can I really be there? Urinating in bag and seatbelted to a wheelchair to prevent falls? Not quite what I envisioned for my life, but then do any of us really know where were going to end up? At least I got a doughnut yesterday and was able to eat it before the fire department came, so I've got that going for me.