Everything Is a Chore

     Things have been hard, haven’t been here in a few. I vaguely remember when things were easier, like taking a shower, jump in, jump out. Now they have to be planned. It won’t be long until I sit on a stool outside and they squirt me down like a circus elephant. About 2 weeks ago I started with a buzzing in my left hand, the good one. I remember what that meant for the right one, not happy about it. We will figure it out, no choice, the beast has taken so much, I was hoping it would leave me some scraps. I guess not.

Crab Picking Woes

        Life is full of cruel irony at times. I love steamed crabs, we recently got a crab guy, great crabs, great price, steamed to perfection. The mustard is good, leg meat pulls out every time. The irony comes in the fact I have a dead right hand and a left hand with increasingly less dexterity. I have these beautiful crustaceans in front of me and lack the ability to pick them. My family picks them for me, but where is the fun in that? I start out trying, but it’s like watching a squirrel trying to drive a car. I’ve given up a lot of things, I will not give up crabs!

Lack of Feeling In My Rear

     I was really concerned the other day, out of nowhere a spot on my rear end suddenly hurt. When I say hurt I mean agony! No warning signs, just progressively worse as the day went on. The wife wasn’t home so I tried to reposition, laid down, got out of the chair, no luck. How could this be, nothing when I got up that morning, now agony? It didn’t make sense and I was not happy. When the wife got home I told her what was going on, asked her to take a look. I steeled myself for what she would find when I heard her laughing. At some point during the day I had a bottle cap find its way into my underwear! Yes, I had a bottle cap stuck to my ass all day and didn’t know it was there, or how it got in my underwear! Son of a... are you serious? I know I don’t feel much, but a bottle cap? Stuck to my ass? You can’t make this stuff up!