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Wednesday, July 15, 2009

Funeral Home Viewing, and Bad Memories From Childhood

Today is the viewing at the funeral home for our friends daughter, and it makes me think of another time, back many years ago. when I was little I remember when my uncle died, he was only 14, and I was 6. I was, by all accounts, a pretty jumpy kid, scared of most things. We lived 2 doors down from him, and I remember a lot of things that went on while he was sick. I have to think that's where my cautious nature comes from, his was a bruise that turned into cancer, so we were checked over pretty regularly. Crying is what I remember most, the adults, and trying to figure out why? If he was in a better place, why was everyone so sad? I wish it was that easy to deal with now.

The viewings are 3-5, and 7-9 today. The group has paid for the meal in between the services at our friends house, a very small gesture, but at least it gives us something to do at a time when we are so helpless. The daughter and I will be attending both viewings, we offered to pick up the food, and have it ready back at the families home so they can come home and just rest, and maybe have a bite to eat. I was just talking with the daughter, telling her what to expect, explaining that our job as friends is to support, try to be strong for them. I'm practicing my brave face for her, but I don't think it will last. I want to 6 again and have someone tell me it's OK, and believe it.

4 comments:

Anne said...

I went to a lot of funerals too as a kid from the time I was five years old. All of my younger cousins (ages 4 up) went to them too because they were all the uncles and aunts (some being their mothers and fathers) that died.

My father was youngest of 11 and my mother was youngest of 4 - and everyone died before I was 16, grandparents and all. That's a lotta funerals and even though all of us were told that the loved one was in a better place, none of us kids believed it for a minute.

I think it is a self defense mechanism that people tell us that it IS going to be ok, because they want something comforting to say.

And because that is acceptable in our culture, we continue to do it -- no matter if we believe it or not.

Your daughter will take all her cues from you and I'm sure you will teach her all the right things to do.

I know you will.

You already are, by getting the food ready between the viewings.

She will remember that for the rest of her life and who knows, that may become HER volunteer thing to do for others from now on. And that is a very good example for you to show.

Take care,
Anne

Stuff could always be worse said...

Feel for you.
Kim

Lazy Julie said...

So sorry for the loss. I will keep you and her family in my thoughts and prayers.
Lazy Julie

Slammermike said...

It was a huge turn out of support from the best group of friends. I was able to make it to the second viewing and the memorial service. The turn out was remarkable. The turnout from the work people leaves me speechless. There were people there that had retired a number of years ago. Many of the current Deputies were there, but it is the retired ones that struck me. Even though they are years removed from the job they are still the closest group you coukd ever hope to know.