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Thursday, October 23, 2008

Multiple Sclerosis, Atkins, and Electric Scooters

I sent this picture to my mother tonight and she thought it was a mobility scooter. She thought this was one of those things old people ride at the grocery store up on the back of your legs. I had to explain to her this was something for fun, an electric, green technology, no gas, stick it to the man mode of transport. Put a whip antenna with a raccoon tail on it and I'm in business! Can you see me tooling around Perry Hall on my new scoot? Throw in an ooga horn and I'm a terror! Sure, they say you can't be over 260 lbs, but what does that actually mean? Can you be a little over that weight? What if you are close? I need a lawyer! I've been violated. Am I going to let them decide how much I can weigh? Well it sure looks like if I want to ride an electric scooter! 15 miles per hour must only be for skinny people?

That must sound funny to most people to hear someone say 260 lbs is skinny? I've been over 200 lbs since I got my learner's permit at least. That says 215 lbs, and that was 1978! I was bigger than my father the day I came home from the hospital in 1962! Most of my adult life I have been right around 250, so this extra bit I am toting around is just a temporary set back. I'd venture to say I should be down to scooter weight come about January. I could of course try to find a cool scooter made for portly gentlemen, but it would not only be more expensive, it would defeat the plan of dropping the ballast.

I am trying to figure out just how to do this Atkins type diet thingy. I've done it before, more for a quick weight lose, and it does work for that. I'm thinking I need to drop this weight first. All the worries about if a certain diet is safe or not doesn't fit, not when you are looking to loose at least 75 lbs, carrying that extra weight is what's not safe. Take the weight off, then figure out where I'm going to fall with the rest. Maybe Atkins will be friendlier with my type of MS then the Swank was. Any day now everything is going to come together for me. The weight is going to fall off, the vitamin D is going to do it's thing, and I will be able to ride a scooter and not look like one of those fat twins in worlds Guinness Book of World Records!


Slammermike said...

I'm telling you those scooters in the grocery stores are great. Wal-Mart has nice ones too they have horns and beep when you back up. The kids hate when I blow the horn.

The seat on this scooter your looking at seems awfully small. It might get lost

awb said...

Like I told the proctologist once I stopped laughing, no really, where are you going to put that?