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Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Arrowhead Hunt, Hand Paralysis, and What Stops Next

Went out today, searched for arrowheads at a new building sight down by the river. Doesn't that have a quaint, small town sound to it? We actually live in an incredibly none country area. Yeah, we have open spaces, deer, saw a tiger once, honest, but it's not country anymore. You can't swing a dead lawyer around without hitting a new development, but we do have rivers, just not right here. So, anyway, spent the day out, made it go faster, I just have to figure out where to go tomorrow? Actually, I have a MRI in the morning, have to go to the airport at some point, need to figure out when, so I will plan where to go Friday.

Right hand is giving me a fit. Not really, a fit to me is when it hurts, mine is dead. Ever see the Carol Burnett episode where Tim Conway is the dentist? It's a classic, he accidentally injects his hand with novacaine? Funny stuff. Not so funny when that's what you feel like everyday, but what are you going to do? I can't write, eat, I can't even scratch my ass with my right hand anymore. Had somebody ask me why I always scratched my ass, told them I was the only one that new where it itched! Not enjoying this new paralysis, not a little bit.

The things that have fallen to the side so far have been tough. I bellow about things, my way of dealing with my life, but also my way of preparing the people around me for my life. I know there are people that have done incredible things, all with limited, or in the case of that Hawking guy, no mobility. I'm not one of those people! It's a tough realization that you have limited to no marketable job skills, but I don't. Thing is, I didn't before. I eked out an existence, a living, mostly due to my physical stature. Being confident that you could take down anything on 2 legs with your bare hands doesn't translate well to most job descriptions, especially because that too is gone. I guess my point is, I'm not looking forward to the future, not the one I see before me. If I could, I'd cross my fingers for a better outcome.

10 comments:

Living Day to Day with Multiple Sclerosis said...

I love that episode of "The Carole Burnett Show". On a serious note. You need to keep those fingers crossed. Especially on the days where you start to give up hope on the future. But if today you don't want to keep them crossed, I will keep mine crossed for you. We all have to keep up the faith that there is going to be some help for all of us. Maybe not a cure but hopefully better treatment.

Stuff could always be worse said...

Yes my hand stays numb most of the time and that causes difficulty. Maybe it will get better
Kim

awb said...

Tara - Thanks, I'm not sure if it's hope, or a lack of it, or if it's fear of unbearable boredom. I'm still fairly high functioning, but I'm bored to tears! What happens when I become less abled is my fear.

Kim - It's not the numb feeling that bothers me, my hands and feet have been numb for 20 years. I look at my right hand and try to make it move and I get nothing. I've decided to go with an entire body transplant, they have those now don't they?

Thanks,
awb

Anonymous said...

Don't give up, easy for others to say. Do you know about the concert pianist who was world famous, then his hand became paralyzed. I don't remember the whole story but he wrote pieces for one hand and stayed famous for that. Many years later he regained the use of his hand. I think his first name was Leon. I'll look it up . Jackie can learn to feed you like a Roman emperor, drop grapes in your mouth or marbles. Keep trying. A lot of us love you in any shape.

awb said...

Froggy - Love me in any shape, was that a crack about my weight?

Anne said...

Hi Andy:
When I first went on disability in June 2007, the first six months was gravy. After having worked pretty continuously for years, I welcomed the break. Then the boredom set in.

SSD says I can make $1000 a month, but the problem was getting someone to hire me, with me being the way I was physically.

I didn't get hired until January of this year (over one and half years later!).

I told them I needed ADA accommodations, in that I could only work one day a week (most weeks) but sometimes, it would be only 2 days a month.

Sometimes it is all I can do to get through an 8 hour shift. I can't work two days in a row. And no overtime. The new ADA law (2008) says that an employer cannot ask you what is wrong with you or why you need special accommodations, so my employer does not know about my MS, RA or Crohn's.

Luckily it is a hospital that I have never been a patient in - so I am safe there.

I know what you mean about being bored and not having anything to do. I have cost my hubby more money in getting household projects done because it gives me purpose to get up in the morning. I literally am redoing rooms from the bottom up.

In between, I plan vacations - three to seven day'ers. Another purposeful reason to get up.

I plan outings with other couples...dinner, flea marketing, outlet shopping. Anything to get around other people so I don't go stir crazy.

About your hand -- been there before. When my doc had to take blood because my veins were crap from steroids, my hand had the only good vein. Hand sticks hurt alot so he kept asking me if I was ok and I told him go for it because I can't feel it - my hand was numb for nearly two months. Very annoying that numbness.

I finally got rid of it by using a powerful massager on my hand three times a day (hand covered with a towel so as to not have direct contact with massager) and I kicked myself that I hadn't thought of it sooner. It hurt like hell (felt like crawling ants on my skin) but it worked. The numbness dissipated in about a week.

Lots of little bits of useless information in my head. Feel free to tap it anytime. I, of course, continue to offer unsolicited advice. :-)

Take care,
Anne

Slammermike said...

If you want I can come over and cross your fingers for you. Then tape them that way. That Tim Conway bit is a riot. Harvey Korman could not contain himself.

Instead of feeding you grapes like an emperor I see Jackie more like force feeding you with a slingshot from about 10 yards. Soup would be difficult though.

When do they come back? How did Jake do the last day?

Herrad said...

Hi Andy,
How shitty for you that your hand won't work.
Massage is a good idea.
Hope you can regain some function.
Thinking about you.
Love,
Herrad

froggysoprano said...

Did you know Judy's sister, Elnora only had one arm. She had cancer as a child and lost her arm. She married , had a child , learned to drive a big old Buick with no power steering, refinished antique furniture, hung diapers on a clothesline by holding one edge in her teeth. You have that same spunk. She was a wonderful person. I did not say anything about your big ass. You must have a guilty conscience. My family don't have big rears. You must take after Chucky.

Libby said...

andy..maybe you could take up a new career as a model? hahaha...yeah...me too...